Nobody told me about the poison oak.
Oh, they told me about the palm trees. Yeah, they told me plenty about the palm trees, all right. But nobody ever said a word about this poison oak business.
"The thing is, Susannah -- "
Father Dominic was talking to me. I was trying to pay attention, but let me tell you something: poison oak itches.
"As mediators -- which is what we are, you and I, Susannah -- we have a responsibility. We have a responsibility to give aid and solace to those unfortunate souls who are suffering in the void between the living and the dead."
I mean, yeah, the palm trees are nice and everything. It had been cool to step off the plane and see those palm trees everywhere, especially since I'd heard how cold it can get at night in northern California.
But what is the deal with this poison oak? How come nobody ever warned me about that?
"You see, as mediators, Susannah, it is our duty to help lost souls get to where they are supposed to be going. We are their guides, as it were. Their spiritual liaisons between this world and the next." Father Dominic fingered an unopened pack of cigarettes that was sitting on his desk, and regarded me with those big old baby blues of his. "But when one's spiritual liaison takes one's head and slams it into a locker door . . . well, you can see how that kind of behavior might not build the sort of trust we'd like to establish with our troubled brothers and sisters."
I looked up from the rash on my hands. Rash. That wasn't even the word for it. It was like a fungus. Worse than a fungus, even. It was a growth. An insidious growth that, given time, would consume every inch of my once smooth, unblemished skin, covering it with red, scaly bumps. That oozed, by the way.
"Yeah," I said, "but if our troubled brothers and sisters are giving us a hard time, I don't see why it's such a crime if I just haul off and slug them in the -- "
"But don't you see, Susannah?" Father Dominic clenched the pack of cigarettes. I'd only known him a couple of weeks, but whenever he started fondling his cigarettes -- which he never, by the way, actually smoked -- it meant he was upset about something.
That something, at this particular moment, appeared to be me.
"That is why," he explained, "you're called a mediator. You are supposed to be helping to bring these troubled souls to spiritual fulfillment -- "
"Look, Father Dom," I said. I tucked my oozing hands out of sight. "I don't know what kind of ghosts you've been dealing with lately, but the ones I've been running into are about as likely to find spiritual fulfillment as I'm going to find a decent New York City–style slice of pizza in this town. It ain't gonna happen. These folks are going to hell or they're going to heaven or they're going on to their next life as a caterpillar in Kathmandu, but any way you slice it, sometimes they're gonna need a little kick in the butt to get them there. . . ."
"No, no, no." Father Dominic leaned forward. He couldn't lean forward too much because a week or so before, one of those troubled souls of his had decided to forgo spiritual enlightenment and tried to snap his leg off instead. She also broke a couple of his ribs, gave him a pretty nifty concussion, tore up the school real good, and, let's see, what else?
Oh, yeah. She tried to kill me.
Father Dominic was back at school, but he was wearing a cast that went all the way down to his toes, and disappeared up his long black robe, who knew how far? Personally, I didn't like to think about it.
He was getting pretty handy with those crutches, though. He could chase the late kids up and down the halls if he had to.
Meg Cabot is also the author of the Princess Diaries series, upon which the Disney movies are based. In the books, though, Princess Mia has yield-sign-shaped hair, lives in New York, and Fat Louie is orange. And those are the least of the differences. The following is a complete list of the Princess Diaries books:
the princess diaries
the princess diaries, volume II: princess in the spotlight
the princess diaries, volume III: princess in love
the princess diaries, volume IV: princess in waiting
the princess diaries, volume IV and a half: project princess
the princess diaries, volume V: princess in pink
the princess diaries, volume VI: princess in training
the princess present: a princess diaries book
princess lessons: a princess diaries book
perfect princess: a princess diaries book
Aside from the Mediator books and the Princess Diaries books, Meg has written several more books:
American Girl
Samantha Madison saves the president’s life . . . only to have his son fall in love with her. Which would be fine, except for all the Secret Service agents following them around.Teen Idol
Jenny Greenley gives everyone advice, so why can’t she follow her own and find love? Further complicating matters is the presence of hot Hollywood star Luke Striker in Jenny’s homeroom, of all places.
Nicola and the Viscount
It’s 1810, and Nicola Sparks is ready to dive headlong into her first London Season. Good thing there’s a handsome viscount there to catch her!
Victoria and the Rogue
Lady Victoria Arbuthnot is accustomed to being right. She isn’t always, though, especially when her own heart is concerned.
But wait! There’s more by Meg:
The Boy Next Door
Boy Meets Girl
every boy’s got one
The 1-800-Where-R-You books:
When Lightning Strikes
Code Name Cassandra
Safe House
Sanctuary
For more about Meg and
to read her diary, visit: www.megcabot.com
Join her online book club at: www.megcabotbookclub.com
